My SEMA “wtf” conversation (filled with awkward first date silences) occurred with a Performance Marketing Manager for GM. I tell a guy that bleeds Chevy blue that all of my cars are Japanese sport compacts and he pretty much told me to talk to his hand. I threw him enough girly charm until he at least appreciated our conversation more than the one he had earlier that morning with this guy, a dare devil that is looking for a 200mph ride behind the new Camaro on some rollerblades, probably not the kind I used to sell at Sports Authority.
So I had to look this dude up to see what nut tree incarnated such a whacko. His website identifies his accomplishments, which I think are measured by simply not tattooing his skull into a ribbon of asphalt.
Basically, if you were to compare this guy to a car, he’d be a Nissan GTR:
0 – 100kph (0-60mph for you metric conversion challenged folk): 3.5 seconds (with VDC turned off on the GTR)
1/4 mile: 11.8 seconds
Top speed: 189mph (193mph with the GTR)
Now, I’d love to take a GTR for a ride that would shame any porn star but there is something about Mincemeat on Wheels that just doesn’t offer that same attraction.
I emptied countless quarters into the Pole Position video games when I was a kid, convinced I had a future career as a race car driver but nothing quite takes my car racing gaming skills to the level like Rémi Gaillard, a French dude with an outrageous sense of humor bordering the likes of Jackass. He has stolen cat food while dressed as a pussy, offered flowers to a rotisserie oven while dressed as a chicken, and my favorite: Real World Mario Kart.
This one is also pretty funny- Real World Pacman: http://www.nimportequi.com/en/video_remi_pacman.html
Check out his website for hours of peeing your pants!
My car looks like it was the target for a bird torpedo mission. Those little suckers aimed with the velocity of a Lear Jet and the vehemence of an ex-lover and Jackson Pollock’d all over my hood. I now drive a polka dotted Infiniti.
I also followed an SUV home with the license plate “PUCKR UP”. I’m not sure if it’s meant to be a take on “kiss my ass” since PA only requires rear license plates or if it’s just because they drove so ungodly slow that most people would rather just drive through them. I’m going to get a front plate (yes, pay the extra $1.00) that says “GET OVER” and see if I have any success.
I love a good road trip. Think about all the fun- peeing in a Gatorade bottle (only to mistake it an hour later when you’re thirsty), bedbug infested roadside motels (where you rent the room by the hour only to have toothless Mr. People of Walmart at the front desk ask if he can be the first customer), and routing yourself through a metropolis in the middle of rush hour. But really, they’re so much fun!
This couple’s road trip trumps them all. They decided to 4×4 their way through the Democratic Republic of Congo. No weapons, no special security forces; just bribes, potholes the size of elephants, cannibal rebels, and city folk with machetes. The fact that they lived to tell these stories is crazy enough, but the pictures really help you visualize the whole trip too.
And if you decide this is your thing (traveling the world from your living room), check out Long Way Round (Europe, former USSR, and across the US) or Long Way Down (Scotland to South Africa) chronicling Ewan McGregor (yes, of Star Wars fame) and Charlie Boorman’s adventures driving their motorcycles across the globe. And finally, who knew a successful Wall Street legend would have the huevos necessary to cavort the world on a bike with his girlfriend back in 1990. Read Investment Biker by Jim Rogers. It’s part economics, part travel, and part what the hell have we gotten ourselves into?
