Nov 2009 13
Chris Paschenko AP

Chris Paschenko AP

From the files of Mr. Dū-mas, some moron in Texas with more money than driving skills freaked out when a birdie tweeted in front of his windshield. He dropped his cell phone (hopefully on a call with his insurance company finishing increasing his limits and lowering his deductible…) and managed to drive his Bugatti Veyron (me: salivating) right into a salt marsh when reaching to pick the cell up. Thinking his car might be fast enough to walk on water, his left it on for more than 5 minutes until it died, sucking up salt water, marsh foliage, used condoms, BBQ ribs, and whatever else you might find in a Texan marsh pit. And proving reporters don’t have to be smart, just literate, one reporter asks if it’s salvageable! For his over a million dollar mistake, this trust fund baby and/or oil tycoon got a call from Arnold Schwarzenegger (who is familiar with his wife’s cell phone driving habits) and a swift kick in the ass to the Car Hall of Shame.

Nov 2009 23

I Hate Vegas

Posted In Cars


Stupid, crazy fast: the Bonneville Speed Demon just hit the 401mph mark this past August.

If you visited a strip club in the Philippines the first week of this month, you may have thought it was a little empty and asked yourself “where are all the girls?”  I know the answer: Vegas.  See, this huge car show for every bigwig in the auto industry occurs the first week of every November in Las Vegas, and a Benetton ad of women (except NOT advertising clothing!) from around the world who are willing to wiggle and giggle for salespeople and engineers at all sorts of car companies are flown in to handle the demand.  You may have guessed the Adult Entertainment industry convention was “hands-on” the #1 Vegas convention, but nope, SEMA even tops that.  With over 100,000 attendees, SEMA rivals the annual consumer electronics show for the largest convention in Sin City.  But walk around the show and you may have thought you walked into a 69th dimension that mated the two conventions (cars and porn) together because the booth models aren’t wearing much more than 2 lug nuts and a steering wheel cover.  Unfortunately for the common man who would shorten his stick shift to visit such a utopia, it’s not open to the public.  However, being the car vixen I am, I’ve attended every show for a handful of years.  If the tech side of cars appeals to you, check out my MotoIQ article about the show.  You’ll definitely get a kick out of the name of one of the knock off companies at the show on page 5 of the article.  But the SEMA nighttime dirt can only be found here. [..]

Jan 2010 07

Just "rubber-necking" around...

<— Do these tires make me look fat?

 (new meaning to “rubber-necking”)


Another year come and gone and I totally nailed this year’s resolutions- pretty easy as I never made any for 2009!    So I’m not gonna rock the boat too hard this year either.  I’ll just wrap up my year end and “goals” for 2010 for my hobby trifecta: 


Jan 2010 29


Posted In Cars

Once again, traffic was put on lockdown for a coating of snow.  Here’s a thought- bald tires and snow/ice don’t mix.  Another one- gunning your gas pedal until traction control kicks in, then braking, repeat is not the correct way to get up a hill.  Also, big ass SUV’s don’t necessarily handle weather better.  It comes down to two things- driver and tires.  If one sucks, the other might be able to correct.  If they both suck, hope you don’t get motion sickness spinning into a ditch! 

Wet roads + Freezing temps = Slippery conditions ; Slow down, leave space, and don’t drive like a moron, especially on bridges!

And btw, why does every time the local weatherman (usually inaccurately) sensationalizes some precipitation, there’s a run on milk, eggs, and bread at the grocery store?  Are these items you never have and absolutely need in those times (comfort food maybe?) or does the threat of snowfall conjure up cravings for French toast?  I just don’t get it.

Feb 2010 05

And 2nd, and 3rd, 4th, and 5th. 

With the French Toast alert on high, I drove the winter beater to an off-site meeting today.  The G20 isn’t the prettiest car; OK, she’s like a buck-toothed tranvestite who has taken it in the rear and been backed into and her clutch is starting to slip, but she can still handle well.  To the STI I owned on the onramp to the turnpike, learn to turn!  Not all roads are in a straight line.   Home already and I didn’t even get the opportunity to put the Blizzaks to good use.  Bring on the white powder!  And not the kind Hollywood likes to snort up…

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