Jan 2011 19

Moto Musings

Posted In Cars

My car looks like it was the target for a bird torpedo mission.  Those little suckers aimed with the velocity of a Lear Jet and the vehemence of an ex-lover and Jackson Pollock’d all over my hood.  I now drive a polka dotted Infiniti.

I also followed an SUV home with the license plate “PUCKR UP”.  I’m not sure if it’s meant to be a take on “kiss my ass” since PA only requires rear license plates or if it’s just because they drove so ungodly slow that most people would rather just drive through them.  I’m going to get a front plate (yes, pay the extra $1.00) that says “GET OVER” and see if I have any success.

Feb 2011 15

I emptied countless quarters into the Pole Position video games when I was a kid, convinced I had a future career as a race car driver but nothing quite takes my car racing gaming skills to the level like Rémi Gaillard, a French dude with an outrageous sense of humor bordering the likes of Jackass. He has stolen cat food while dressed as a pussy, offered flowers to a rotisserie oven while dressed as a chicken, and my favorite: Real World Mario Kart.

This one is also pretty funny- Real World Pacman: http://www.nimportequi.com/en/video_remi_pacman.html
Check out his website for hours of peeing your pants!

Nov 2011 09

SEMA 2011

Posted In Beer,Cars

Where these two things slam headfirst into each other:

1) Mecca for auto enthusiasts

2) Crazy Vegas nightlife

Read and enjoy the pics, nightlife only last page (9)

Nov 2011 15

My SEMA “wtf” conversation (filled with awkward first date silences) occurred with a Performance Marketing Manager for GM.  I tell a guy that bleeds Chevy blue that all of my cars are Japanese sport compacts and he pretty much told me to talk to his hand.  I threw him enough girly charm until he at least appreciated our conversation more than the one he had earlier that morning with this guy, a dare devil that is looking for a 200mph ride behind the new Camaro on some rollerblades, probably not the kind I used to sell at Sports Authority.

So I had to look this dude up to see what nut tree incarnated such a whacko.  His website identifies his accomplishments, which I think are measured by simply not tattooing his skull into a ribbon of asphalt.

 

Basically, if you were to compare this guy to a car, he’d be a Nissan GTR:

0 – 100kph (0-60mph for you metric conversion challenged folk): 3.5 seconds (with VDC turned off on the GTR)

1/4 mile: 11.8 seconds

Top speed: 189mph (193mph with the GTR)

Now, I’d love to take a GTR for a ride that would shame any porn star but there is something about Mincemeat on Wheels that just doesn’t offer that same attraction.

Feb 2012 08

The website, not the person you fools!  I’m sure you’re all eagerly awaiting a new blog post but the main work has been going on behind the scenes.  Stay tuned for a new layout.

Welcome 2012- you know how I feel about resolutions.  They suck.  I just want to live more, travel more, indulge my inner foodie, and make the most of everything this year.  And if I can get my turbo paperweight street legal again, all the better!

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