Sound Bites

Overheard at the bar lately:

“I’m going to tap that Black Biscuit” (fine, but you’ll be walking funny!)

“I miss those 70’s porn mustaches on guys” (wait, that was me.  And a joke.  And um… mom and dad, I don’t watch porn.  I swear, almost never.  Hardly ever…)

Girlfriend defending boyfriend’s stupidity to another presumed idiot: “They weren’t two DUI’s, they were Unfortunate Incidents” (sure, and when he cheats on you, he really just tripped, lost his clothes, and her hot pocket kept him from faceplanting…)

“I strip to support myself through collage” (no, I didn’t misspell that!)